Coffee Talk (please break out your NE accents!) with an Autism Mom: Learning to Listen

For several years our SLP-A/Administrative Assistant/Office Manager/Decorator/Event Planner, Shari Willingham has threatened to hold a "reality seminar" to share the real world of a Mom of a child with autism.  We finally pinned her down and made her do it!  We have visions of doing a "Coffee Talk" aka Mike Meyers and the SNL crew.  We REALLY wanted her to tease up her hair, don the red horn rimmed glasses we KNOW she has and let us video her but we're just starting with this little article because we need her to keep working here... Enjoy the insights of our favorite Office Organizer and Super Mom to Zachary, an 18 year old with Autism (who is also pretty dang awesome!)

Learning to listen….

It sounds funny when I say “learning to listen” since for 18 years my son, Zachary, has been considered to be non-verbal (though we have recently been “upgraded” to low-verbal!!) .  Apparently the day he was diagnosed with Autism, I decided I was, in fact, telepathic.  I could read his mind.  I knew what he was thinking, what he needed, what he wanted.  WRONG-O!!  Like many parents who have children struggling with communication, in the early years, I just did “it” for him.  IT may have been getting his juice, changing the TV channel, rescuing Elmo from the toilet bowl…. “IT” was a lot of things over the years.  Since he was reluctant to communicate, I took it upon myself to feed him what I thought he wanted to eat.   I put him to sleep when I thought he wanted to go to bed.  I played the movie that I thought he wanted to watch.  As Zachary has gotten older, I have had to re-train myself to try to listen and not just do “it” for him and you know what I have learned?  This guy has a mind of his own.  He has an opinion.  Imagine that. 

Back a few months ago, Zachary came home from school and wanted me to add “Firehouse” to his Nova Chat.  I looked at him and said “oh, you don’t want that…”    After all, he has never eaten at a Firehouse (and he isn’t exactly an adventurous eater).  But, reluctantly I added it.  For several days he asked us to go to Firehouse, and since he asked so nicely, we packed up the troops and headed out.  Now, he didn’t eat anything (I KNEW it…. J ) but he made a choice and we honored it.  I still don’t know why he wanted to go there, but he did and maybe one day he will tell me. 

The other night I told Zachary that  it was shower time.  He told me he wanted the bathtub.  I obliged and when I went to start the bath water  he went and got his device and told me “I want BIG bath”.  The kid wanted in the big garden tub in mom and dads bathroom.   He had an opinion.  He wanted a say in the event.  It was a huge a-ha moment for me and a reminder to listen……especially to my non verbal child. 

Shari Willingham, 9/22/2013