Coffee Talk with an Autism Mom: The Buddy System

The Buddy System

Wikipedia says  it's  “2 people operating  together as a single unit so that they are able to monitor and help each other”. 

Over the years a common question that I get asked is “what is the first piece of advice you would give a parent whose child just been diagnosed with _________?”   My answer is almost always the same.  A buddy.  Now, I am not just talking about any ol’ friend or family member, I mean the kind of friend who knows your child inside and out.  The kind of friend who you feel comfortable putting on paperwork as your emergency contact, your  “person”.  The kind of friend who GETS IT.  The friend who understands your child’s medical needs and accepts their social awkwardness.  The friend who knows that your child will only eat French Fries from McDonalds the ones at the Burger King  aren’t the same!!    The friend who loves your child as if he/she were their very own.

When Zachary first started in the Special Needs PreK program in our County, I admit, I was a bus-following, hallway crouching, window-peeking mom.  I was terrified to let him out of my sight.  In the early years, I often felt as though I wasn’t able to adequately care and provide for him, so how on earth was some stranger going to be able to?! 

  It was not long into that first  school year that I found my buddy  Patti, a  fellow helicopter mom and we had an instant connection.  Our boys are now in their 3^rd year of high school and we have helped each other through the woes of insurance and Medicaid, sat through each others IEP’s, and most recently, navigating the waters of Guardianship.     We have a friendship that was founded on our boys, but has grown over the years to be much more of a sisterhood.  We can share our deepest secrets and our darkest fears and in many ways our two families have merged into one.

 Recently, I had to travel out of state unexpectedly for a death in the family.  I was frantically writing up step by step instructions for my husband on Zachary’s schedule and in the midst of my panic, I thought to send Zachary’s teacher a quick text.  It went something like this:  Have to fly out of state immediately.  If it’s urgent, call Dad.  If it’s anything less than urgent call Patti.  If you can’t get dad, call Patti.