Twice in the past month I've heard about a young man with Autism who exhibited thoughtfulness, empathy and understanding of another's perspective. It's interesting to me because I've heard so often about how our friends with autism don't do that. Huh. Except that I've seen it first hand many times. I'm not so sure I buy this idea that Autism=Inability to Relate. Maybe the difficulty doesn't lie in an innate inability to take another's perspective. Maybe, for some people with autism, the issue is simply a difficulty accurately expressing this knowledge and understanding in ways that other people recognize. Please understand that I'm not posting about a topic I've researched extensively. I've never read anyone's supposition about this idea. I'm not a researcher. I'm a clinician; but a clinician who has met a LOT of people with autism who have a hard time communicating. This is just one of those times that what I see in my clinical experience is contradictory to what I've been taught. A contradiction that keeps smacking me in the face, unable to be ignored.
Let's consider these two boys: Zachary
The video is from Kreed's World, a YouTube channel with videos of an amazing young man with autism who uses an AAC device to communicate (Dynavox T10). This video struck me in several ways. Kreed is shopping for a present for his mother. He is shopping with his friend. She says Kreed is her "right-hand man!" Their positive relationship is readily apparent and she is pretty amazing herself. She consistently gives Kreed choices of options for his mother, from the presents he selects to a special card. She reads all the messages for him so that he can make a decision. What about Kreed? Well, he picks two presents he has seen his mother enjoy in the past, nail polish and an inspirational sign. Although I don't know Kreed, I can't imagine he has any interest in these two items. He selected presents showing that he, like Zachary, was paying attention to the interests of someone he loves. I was struck by the noise and visual stimulation in the Target as he shopped. I can't imagine that this was the most pleasant environment for Kreed, or anyone with autism (or me, for that matter, in the weeks before Christmas). And yet, he patiently looked through the aisles, considered lengthy poems in cards and then thoughtfully selected presents. Here is Kreed's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kreedsworld
Shari, our wonderful office manager and mother to an amazing son, Zachary (who is also my LONG time patient and friend) told me a story last month that blew me away. Zachary has autism. He talks but struggles with creative language and articulation. He primarily communicates using a NovaChat 10 communication device. Zachary was shopping with his aunt, strolling along in a store when he stopped abruptly, spotting a set of Lalaloopsy Cards on clearance. Zachary insisted on buying the cards. Now Zachary has zero interest in Lalaloopsy but it turns out his little sister did. When he came home he took them out and gave them to her. Here's what Shari says about this event. https://www.facebook.com/swalterwillingham/posts/10202496922164571
Now this makes no sense, right? What does this tell us about Zachary? A lot of things: He paid attention to something his sister is interested in; something in which he has zero personal interest. He remembered this tidbit about his sister when he was out shopping. He chose to do something to make her happy. No one knew why Zachary was buying these cards until he came home and gave them to Molly. Totally spontaneous, unscripted, unprompted.
The next time this concept jumped up and down in front of my face was this past week when I received a link to this video of Kreed:
The video is from Kreed's World, a YouTube channel with videos of an amazing young man with autism who uses an AAC device to communicate (Dynavox T10). This video struck me in several ways. Kreed is shopping for a present for his mother. He is shopping with his friend. She says Kreed is her "right-hand man!" Their positive relationship is readily apparent and she is pretty amazing herself. She consistently gives Kreed choices of options for his mother, from the presents he selects to a special card. She reads all the messages for him so that he can make a decision. What about Kreed? Well, he picks two presents he has seen his mother enjoy in the past, nail polish and an inspirational sign. Although I don't know Kreed, I can't imagine he has any interest in these two items. He selected presents showing that he, like Zachary, was paying attention to the interests of someone he loves. I was struck by the noise and visual stimulation in the Target as he shopped. I can't imagine that this was the most pleasant environment for Kreed, or anyone with autism (or me, for that matter, in the weeks before Christmas). And yet, he patiently looked through the aisles, considered lengthy poems in cards and then thoughtfully selected presents. Here is Kreed's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kreedsworld
Do children with Autism exhibit struggles with attending to others? Focusing on their interests and desires? Well, yea, but not always. At times they show an amazing attention, memory and empathy. So how do we explain this contradiction?
I have a theory that's been stewing around in my brain lately. It started as I worked on an upcoming presentation on social skills and AAC that I'm giving with my friend, Holly Schneider, this month at ATIA. As I dug around looking for materials I remembered something I studied in psychology class in the mid-80's that seemed to be relevant. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is an idea presented in 1943 that suggests that humans have a hierarchy of needs they must meet as they move up a scale to self-actualization. Let's put it more simply. At the bottom of the hierarchy are physiological needs such as eating, drinking, breathing, and using the bathroom. On the next rung up is safety/security of body, possessions, home and family. One more step up and we are concerned with fulfilling love/belonging needs for friendship and family. One more level up (just one below the top) is where we take care of our needs for esteem from others, for others and for ourselves (self-esteem). Here's a better explanation than I can give: Simply Psychology
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Kreed and Zachary are showing self-actualization at the level only ONE RUNG from the top, showing esteem for others. Okay, maybe somewhere between Love/Belonging and Esteem but STILL! Holy Smokes! How did THAT happen? I know a few things about these boys: their families respect their communication, their families show them that they have value and their opinions matter (see the choice making options in Kreed's video). In short, these boys may be nonverbal but their families have helped them by being respectful and encouraging. All of their basic needs are met so they can concentrate on others.
So what of our children who struggle with attention to others and empathy? These children, it seems to me, are simply at a more basic level of Maslow's pyramid. Their communication difficulty means that they may feel the need to fight for the food/drinks and possessions they want (even if this isn't reality). They may not feel safe due to overloaded sensory systems. They may be unable to communicate to share their health and hurts.
The long and short of it: the people with Autism who I know, are capable of becoming empathetic, loving, caring members of their families. They are capable of contributing meaningfully to personal friendships.
What can we do? Make sure that we help our friends with Autism meet their basic needs. Be aware of where they fall on Maslow's Hierarchy and help them move on up!
Respect!
Vicki
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